~

My piano exam is in 3 days time... I'm already freaking nervous. Last piano lesson before my exam I was already so uptight. Kept telling myself that it's the last lesson before my exam and this is IT. I don't know how I'm gonna step in and actually tell myself it's reallyreally okay and I'll really be alright and I won't forget my B piece halfway (I'm playing from memory, cuz I didn't practise flipping the pages cuz I'm lazy. Now I've not choice but to rely on my memory) I must think very happy thoughts! Like SVPS Open House and section outing haha. Ah. I think I'll smile ALL the way throughout the exam. At least better than frowning; waste my energy and make myself look so tense. I shall enjoy myself like how I enjoyed SYF. But SYF doesn't require you to sing a passage or do any sight-reading -.- Ah. Must chill. AH. ): Oh I'm gonna wear the treble clef necklace that Aby bought for me ♥ Sincerely I love music. But sincerely who doesn't hate exams? D: Doesn't look like I have a choice anyway. Most teachers will tell their students to practise hard the few days before the exam but my teacher just told me to not play so much and rest. Ah. God my teacher's a good teacher okay ): I really hope that I won't go to the next lesson telling him I screwed up any component. (okay, maybe except sight-reading. NO I shall not screw up as far as possible) My previous exam, Grade 5, I went back to my teacher and told him I screwed my scales. Still, I got 126. That's like 4 marks to a distinction. I felt nothing, really. I felt nothing though I screwed my scales. I didn't focus much on music then, but now it seems that music is my everything. Hell, Grade 8 Piano Practical Exam was the only exam that ever made me cry from stress even though my teacher never ever gave me stress. It was my teacher who told me not to treat the exam as a form of stress. That's why I want to go in smiling for the next 15 minutes cuz I know no one in the right mind will smile while doing any written examination. Somehow I've a feeling that I'm just gonna breakdown once I get out of the room or when I see my teacher, but most likely when I receive my results. I thought it over, no matter what results I get, I'll cry. If it's a distinction, I'll be so happy I'd cry. If it's a merit, I may feel so disappointed that I'll cry. If it's a pass, I'll be so depressed and upset with myself that all my hard work for a year is gone with just a PASS that I'll cry a tsunami. If I fail, I can just go and commit suicide. No worries, the thing is that I won't fail. I'm kinda sure of that. Whether I'll do well, that's another story.

Oh well.


わかったようにアタシノこと話すのはやめてよ