Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Upon entering the hall, I was literally shaking. Uncontrollably. In fact, when I was outside I declared that "my heart was sprinting 1 km" and "butterflies were in my stomach and banging against my stomach wall". In the hall, the butterflies seems overly excited at the "effective collisions" increased. Couldn't calm down, only after a while when Mr Ravi started to get more jokey, Ms Azlin too, did I chill a bit.
Hanna: Just tell the butterflies to think of Amath and fall asleep.
Me: HAH -.-
After a while
Me: Hanna, the butterflies seem to have fallen asleep.
Hanna: Good.
Around 20 minutes before my turn
Me: Hanna, the butterflies have woken up. They're banging furiously against my stomach wall.
Today was a classic example of the emotional and mental damage one can suffer from due to having high expectations of yourself. Hell, in the first place, it was attainable. DAMN, if only I could've got my brain to think faster. If only I could've maintained my composure. If only I could've forced out sub-prompts from my brain. If only I had a greater tsunami of crap gushing out from my mouth. If only...
If only...
regret?
~~~
I don't care already. I've achieved A1 for chinese with a distinction for oral. For Mdm Wang Juan. I shouldn't have given up HMT.
For Mrs Chin, I'll get A1 for English.
I will get A1 for English, for myself.
I learnt from peer leading that it's okay to be selfish. What's the point of helping others when you can't even jolly well help yourself?
10:10 PM